Expiration Dates

One of the things that I learned about myself from the kind of books I love reading is that it's usually the tragically flawed heroes/protagonists that I'm drawn to. These books include This Side of Paradise*, David Copperfield, The World According to Garp*, and The Irresistible Henry House, which all have a fictional, biographical touch to them. The male protagonists in these books are so raw and human that you cannot help but love them - not because you want to fix them but because after reading so much extensive information about their background and why they are the way they are, you understand them (Why do you think so many people love watching Dexter? No one really wants him to be a serial killer, but you can't help but feel for him somehow. I can't really say the same about Don Draper from Mad Men. He may be a pretty man but there is no end to his douchebaggery. He continues to piss me off.) Perfection is not the end goal here, it's the ability to survive in spite of bad happenstances in life (or at least that's what I keep on telling myself). If someone does not seem to have any flaws at all, my guess is that there is probably something seriously wrong with that person; we just don't know about it, that's all.

  

Dead Like Me

I notice that serial narrative is one of the things that help me move on and cope with things in life. Lately I've been watching Dead Like Me, and the point that comes across over and over while watching this series is that everything has an expiration date, everything is ephemeral. Although this is probably really crudely phrased, life is freakishly short and time doesn't stand still - a piano might fall on your head or there might be a slipping accident at a supermarket that may end you so do the things you can do before you regret not doing them.

There was a Dead Like Me episode about how the undead (grim reapers) had to input all of their records of people's last thoughts before they died. One of the saddest last thoughts that was highlighted in that episode was "Why has no one loved me?" - which has got to be the most depressing thing someone can think of right before they die.

last thoughts on an Excel sheet in Dead Like Me Season 1, Episode 13 "Vacation"

"We're all temps" in life (Daisy, Dead Like Me Season 1, Episode 13 "Vacation"). Nothing is forever as phases in your life can be periods of adjustment, some lasting longer than others unfortunately. I try to soak in upbeat tunes and gorgeous images people take/create. Those are the little kicks in life that spices up the monotony behind our daily routines as trivial as those things may be.

When people come and go in your life, the two things that you usually remember in regards to these people are the firsts and lasts that you've had in your encounters with them - i.e. how you met someone, how things started out, whether things ended on good or bad terms, the last kiss, the last set of words exchanged. Basically you remember the bookends of your significant or insignificant relationship/encounter with another person. Not that the things in between don't matter, but the bookends keep all those little memories and events in sequential order. It's like how archives keep loose materials in order but in plastic or acid-free paper boxes. A collection of memories should be kept together, housed and shelved in the same part of your brain, a kind of metaphorical Memex I suppose.

I've always loved this poster, but this is such a crap movie.

Maybe the writers of the original Sweet November (1968) movie had the right idea: set a month long limit to a relationship as to propel the kind of intimacy that takes forever for people to get to, but end a relationship before it could even start to grow sour. There's something poetic yet bittersweet to that idea. Beauty fades, puppy love (aka the honeymoon period) goes away as well.

 

Sweet November (1968)

Sweet November (2001) = crappy remake

I'm done with men for now. I give up. The aftermath after the storm of sadness kills me every time; it's always a mission to forget. It's not like every time a relationship ends, I can dip my head in some sort of River Lethe, or brain wipe myself like they do in Dollhouse or Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind just to selectively forget people. Presto, chango, bad feelings begone! No, it's not that easy and it doesn't work that way. I don't know how people stay in happy long term relationships - but if they're able to do that, more power to them. They've got the staying power and I don't.

Dollhouse treatment

 

brain damaging memory erasure procedure in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004)

This one thing Charlotte said in Sex and the City resonates with me: "I've been dating since I was fifteen. I'm exhausted. Where is he?" The normal and more optimistic me would probably tell her to stop looking because once she stops looking, "he'll" pop up, but right now, I'm thinking, who the fuck cares? Stop investing your time and energy in this invisible, mythical "he" when you could be making yourself an awesome and real, legendary "you." Be a super lady. Just don't wear your cape in public. Live while you can.

P.S. Random fact: The Greek word for "eclipse" means "cease to exist."

* = books that changed my life / made an impact on me

Baisers volés (Stolen Kisses)

This is what I do when I'm stressed and can't focus: I take photos.

basket of kisses. Mad Men anyone?

baby blues

enfance

lion's den

 one of the first few things I see when I wake up and before I go to sleep

both record and vintage music sheets are from a flea market in the Upper East Side;

The Beautiful and Damned is from Barnes & Noble;

and the flower-pearl headband is from Forever 21

my latest reading phase is on books by Virginia Woolf

 

binders for L.I.S. courses

 

Paperchase fosters my love of notebooks

What's Up Tiger Lily DVD, a book from Madrid on what Socrates said to Woody Allen,

and 3D glasses from a screening of TRON: Legacy

Pink Vomit

The Avengers Season 5, Episode 1 "From Venus with Love"

The title of this post is the nickname that I have been giving to all Valentine's Day related merchandise (see below).

Sometime between Christmas and New Year's Eve, 

Target started lining up all of their Valentine's Day merchandise.

(FYI, St. Patrick's Day merch is also out now too.)

 pink vomit at Ikea on New Year's Day

These red/pink things can be likened to "pink vomit," a sort of ugly, (abhorred) kitsch of a mess, that ironically makes of me think of Pepto-Bismol because of its color. I realize that not all "pink vomit" is necessarily "pink," but I rather call it "pink vomit" because "red vomit" sounds like a horror fest in the back of someone's car, as if it's a problem beyond alcohol poisoning. There is just so much crappy, poorly designed pink vomit out there in stores. I remember seeing a giant red lips-shaped pillow hanging on a string and thinking, "Who's the poor sap who's going to receive this and have to pretend that he/she loves it?"

Truthfully, I'm not entirely sure if I like or loathe Valentine's Day; I'd say that I'm ambivalent towards it. To me, Valentine's Day isn't a real holiday - it's more of a commercialized excuse for us to buy overly sentimental stuff and perhaps indulge yourself and your loved one(s) with pro-diabetic sweets (of which I am entirely guilty of).

Valentine vomit in I Hate Valentine's Day (2009)

anti-Valentine's Day comradery in I Hate Valentine's Day (2009)

I miss those days when I was in elementary school and all Valentine's Day meant was pretty much playing You've Got Mail with your own white paper bag decorated with red and pink hearts, shapes, and things, and passing out candy Scotch-taped on to the back of cute kiddie Valentine's Day cards like a little mail carrier.

cute kiddie Muppets Valentine's Day card from my co-pilot

Valentine's Day was like Halloween except with a totally different color scheme and without the pressure to dress up - plus there was no need to walk from door to door for candy because you'd be passing out candy in the classroom. Valentine's Day cards were like cute little corny trading cards. You can compare them with your friends and say things like, "Which one did you get?" and "Ohhh, I like that one!" Juvenile, I know, but they're nice childhood memories for my sentimental heart.

Then when it came to middle school and high school, Valentine's Day was the day when you'd see how many of your friends shelled out money for candy grams just so the people who passed them out could announce that you've received a candy gram or two, which gives you about ten seconds of attention from your class.

It's not like I have never been romanced in my life before, because I have, but Valentine's Day is plain annoying. About two years ago, I used to be like this lady:

Genevieve, played by Nia Vardalos, passing out V-Day goodies

to local strangers in I Hate Valentine's Day (2009)

Back then, I decided to embrace the dreaded Pink Vomit day because in my opinion and from past experiences, it's easier to face something and accept it rather than ignore it as if it didn't exist. I baked cupcakes, I passed out things, I did the whole shebang (oh god, I think some people thought I really loved Valentine's Day when I actually wasn't enamored with it - I just didn't want to feel like shit, guys... or have the people I'm surrounded by feel like shit either). The sentiment behind these actions was that even if someone is not romantically attached to anyone, that doesn't mean that person is any less worthy to receive attention from a friend or co-worker on such a stupid commercialized faux-holiday.

Valentine's Day could be a double-edged sword depending on how you see it. On one hand, it supposedly promotes the idea of "love" and encourages people to express that love; on the other hand, it could be a day of hell as described by the character Genevieve in I Hate Valentine's Day (2009):

"It's just a day of pressure, isn't it? I mean, even if you're in a relationship, which I'm not, it's just a day that makes you feel inadequate. Am I doing enough for this person? Did I get a big enough gift? Do I even know this person?"

In response to this quote, I've been there before, with another girlfriend actually when both our boyfriends didn't say Happy Valentine's Day. We brooded and had a nice night of drinking. The way I see it, for people who are in relationships, as long as you make your significant other feel like a somebody rather than an anybody or a nobody, you're good. The idea is to make that person feel special because feeling special (different from anyone else that you have been with before aka an exception), wanted, and maybe needed is the incentive that drives someone to want to stay with you.

pretty images from Paramore's "The Only Exception"

(I am definitely in love with her fiery hair!)

This father-daughter talk about dating etiquette during the "olden days" sums things up:

Sally Field as Gidget (Season 1, Episode 12 "Chivalry Isn't Dead")

Dad: [I]n the olden days, the thought of dating was the challenge, the uncertainty. We couldn't take a girl for granted. We had to woo her, pursue her - be considerate, charming."

Gidget: And if you weren't?

Dad: She went out with someone who was.

So my plans for this year's Valentine's Day? I have no clue. Maybe I'll head over to the ONE Archives that day? shrug. I just know that no matter how annoying Valentine's Day ads and merchandise are, you have the ability to control your own attitude and how you act so make your outlook on this commercialized holiday a good one. By all means, make yourself some cookies if you want to. I might do that actually.

Or if you're really into Valentine's Day, you can draw some inspiration from the Smurfs:

Smurfs Season 1, Episode 9 "Romeo and Smurfette"

Oh yeah. Don't do this. Really. Don't. Do. This:

from I Hate Valentine's Day (2009)

Oh god, RUN NOWW!

Avanti!

Resolutions from Bridget Jones' Diary (2001)

Instead of coming up with New Year's resolutions that I know I won't keep, ensued by a not so surprising sting of disappointment, I decided to compile a list of tidbits of advice/wisdom from people I know, books, and films as well as things I came up with to take with me into the new year.

1. "Never lose your childish innocence. It's the most important thing."

-Katherine in Under the Tuscan Sun (2003)

This isn't to be naive but to keep a sense of childish curiosity and playfulness that is invaluable and could be easily lost with an accumulation of cynicism as we get older.

childish innocence channeled by Chaplin-esque Giulietta Masina as Gelsomina in La Strada (1954)

2. Not happy with something? "Fix that!" -Amanda 

(Co-pilot, remind me to get you a wrench that has "Fix that!" engraved on it one day.)

Disney's Handy Manny who happens to look like my friend George

 

3. "Guys are all bastards. Every guy has a bit of bastard in him." 
-Katy Perry-loving manboy

I take this piece of advice with a grain of salt. It also goes the same for girls. Every girl has the potential to do something bitchy. "Even angels have their wicked schemes."

4. Maybe is a vicious word that can toy with your mind. Just because you hope for a yes rather than a no doesn't mean that the possibly of something not happening won't occur.

Arrested Development Season 1, Episode 12 "Marta Complex"

To minimize disappointment, expect nothing rather than something because gambling on someone else's perhaps, perhaps, perhaps might bring forth even more disillusionment. Easier said than done, I know. Don't believe in false promises and don't reach for false hope because it usually doesn't pay off in the end.

5. Don't make excuses for someone else's behavior. It's not your job to do so and you're certainly not responsible for someone else's lack of consideration or misbehavior.

6. "In every bit of honest writing in the world, there is a base theme. Try to understand men, if you understand each other you will be kind to each other. Knowing a man well never leads to hate and nearly always leads to love. There are shorter means, many of them. There is writing promoting social change, writing punishing injustice, writing in celebration of heroism, but always that base theme. Try to understand each other."

-John Steinbeck in a 1938 journal entry

7. If there's something you'll regret not saying, say it before you can't say it anymore because it's better to be an honest idiot rather than an idiot who stayed silent hoping for a chance at something.

8. "Don't ask for guarantees. And don't look to be saved in any one thing, person, machine, or library. Do your own bit of saving, and if you drown, at least die knowing you were headed for shore."

-Faber to Montag in Fahrenheit 451

Grand Gestures

date night in Lady and the Tramp (1955)

In high school, I used to be one of those females who hated it when guys paid for meals. I never wanted to be seen as or act like a gold digger (or as Gloria from Modern Family calls it, "coal digger"), and I still don't. It never seemed right to me for guys to be the default person to pick up the tab. I suppose it's the song and dance of dating in the heterosexual world - like how peacocks show off their pretty feathers to peahen to get their attention (see below). 

Then I dated someone who wanted to "take turns" paying for food, which was supposed to be a modern take on relationship spending but turned out to be a guise for the guy to be greedy by picking out the largest, most expensive portions of food whenever it was my turn to pay for things. I was unlucky enough to be smitten and blind as a bat; smoke definitely got in my eyes.

This one experience most likely set me up to appreciate it when/if a nice man goes out of his way to pay for me to be comfortably full and indulge my sweet tooth. We all have bills to pay (unless you're rich, then that's another story) and so it's a doubly nice and grand gesture when someone treats you to a nummy meal. Last week I've been obsessed with Cee Lo Green's "Fuck You" song and this line of lyrics from that song sums up what men who do pay go through: "being in love with you ass ain't cheap." If a man opens the door for me, or pulls out a chair for me to sit in, I would probably be thrown off balance and have to take a long minute to realize what just happened. To be perfectly blunt, I am so used to men without manners and lowering my standards in this regards that I'm flabbergasted to find out that men who open doors or pull out chairs for you do exist when such things do happen. I only wish I could be as poised and charming as Grace Kelly or Audrey Hepburn, but I'm not - I'm actually quite loud (indoor voice, Jess!) and I wouldn't be surprised if strangers catch amusing (and sometimes shocking) sound bites from me.

Grace Kelly in Hitchcock's To Catch a Thief (1955)

 

January Jones as Grace Kelly-esque Betty Draper in a Vanity Fair Mad Men photo shoot

"Suddenly feel like a screen goddess in manner of Grace Kelly" -Bridget Jones's Diary (2001)

I'm hoping that whoever ends up with me will find my clumsiness and somewhat self-deprecating awkwardness to be endearing - because there's probably no way I can transform myself into Pretty Woman (1990) like Julia Roberts overnight; we can't all be like "Cinder-fuckin'-rella" like in the movies.

(Before) Julia Roberts as Vivian Ward in Pretty Woman (1990) in hooker mode

Etiquette training: "Elbows off the table. Don't slouch."

(After) Voilà! Cinderella going to the opera.

It's not like men with manners are some kind of extinct species (i.e. dinosaurs) or mythical creature (i.e. unicorns, or special horses with horns); it's like finding a four leaf clover when you least expect it. If you're a gentleman who has manners, take a bow please... but don't be so cocky about it ;) - you're not a peacock, sir.

Chicks, and Birds, and Sirens, Oh My!

Natalie Portman as the Black Swan (2010)

When it comes to animal representations of females, why is it that women are so closely associated with birds? A sexually attractive female is often referred to as a "bird" in British slang (i.e. "That bird is fit!"). Young women are also called "chicks" (as derived from "chicken"). In fact, in Cantonese, the word "chicken" could be used as a slang for "prostitute." A group of loud and possibly gossipy women (or in How I Met Your Mother's case, "woo girls") is sometimes referred to as a group of "cackling hens." For some great examples of cackling hens see/read Clare Boothe Luce's The Women (1936), but please don't watch the 2008 remake with Meg Ryan in it; if you want to watch a remake of The Women (1939), you can watch the musical remake The Opposite Sex (1956).

Before there was The First Wives Club (1996), there was The Women (1939).

In Greek mythology, the Sirens are lethal half-women, half-bird creatures who entice men to their island with their irresistible songs, only to lead men to their demise. To me, these females are a few of the original femmes fatales - way before Rita Hayworth did her "Put the Blame on Mame" striptease and Glenn Close and Michael Douglas were caught in some Fatal Attraction (1987). Sirens are often confused with harpies in Greek mythology who are also winged bird-women. Usually there are 2-3 sister sirens, who are also daughters of the river god Achelous, and the Harpies (Aello, Celaeno, and Ocypete) are sisters of Iris, a messenger to the gods, and daughters of the air nymph Electra. In terms of beauty and temperament, I always got the implication that sirens are fair but deadly maidens while harpies are scary, vicious scavenger-like bird-women, especially after having read Sartre's play Les Mouches (The Flies) which warrants a slight shudder.

John William Waterhouse's Ulysses and the Sirens (1891)

François Perrier's Aeneas and His Companions Fighting Harpies (1646-47)

 I was honestly a tad afraid to Google images of harpies, knowing how grotesque some representations of harpies are. It's interesting how some people imagine harpies as ugly female gargoyles.

Going along with the idea of sirens, I love how my favorite feminist author Margaret Atwood wrote a poem called "Siren Song." She is one witty Canadian :0). My favorite part of her poem is when the siren speaker lures her readers with "Shall I tell you the secret / and if I do, will you get me / out of this bird suit?" as if that siren could feminine masquerade out of being a winged temptress. I would talk about females represented as winged sphinxes but I could easily go on a long tangent on the topic of women represented as felines. Let's not deviate from the main topic... I'll save the discussion on sphinxes for a rainy day. Anyways, on with more females as birds...

In Kate Chopin's The Awakening (1898), the small place that protagonist Edna Pontellier decides to make her own is called a "pigeon house" simply "because it's so small and looks like a pigeon house" (619). Edna even identifies herself as a birdlike creature when she talks about her time spent with Madame Reisz to one of her beaux:

"Well, for instance, when I left her to-day, she put her arms around me and felt my shoulder-blades, to see if my wings were strong, she said, 'The bird that would soar above the level plain of tradition and prejudice must have strong wings. It is a sad spectacle to see the weaklings bruised, exhausted, fluttering back to earth.'" (617)

Other references to females as birdlike creatures include Evelyn de Morgan's painting The Gilded Cage (1919); it serves as an allegory for a trapped female housed in comfortable surroundings, a "gilded cage," in contrast to the fluttering bird she appears to be reaching for outside her window. On a random note, this painting makes me think of young Jenny in Forrest Gump (1994) praying, "Dear God, make me a bird. So I could fly far. Far far away from here." It's a different situation for young Jenny since she's living in an abusive environment, but nevertheless that line from Forrest Gump still captures the same desperate feeling of being trapped that The Gilded Cage conveys.

The Gilded Cage (1919)

As for contemporary literature that alludes to women as birds, Maya Angelou wrote an important African-American and women studies autobiographical sketch called I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings (1969) that I have yet to read. Although she wrote poem with the same title and with the caged bird referred to as a "he," it is an interesting read if you'd like to check that out. Please keep in mind that I am not a Maya Angelou expert and am embarrassed that I still have not read anything by her yet, but I absolutely welcome any Maya Angelou recommendations :0).

 a postcard I bought a long time ago

Truth be told, I should have taken up Women Studies as a second major when I was an undergrad but you know what, that's okay cause having too many shoulda, coulda, woulda thoughts leads to unnecessary discontentment and disappointment :P. I know Women Studies have that whole stigma that females who specialize in that field are all misandrists, but just to set things straight, I don't hate men... although this one Christina Aguilera song called "I Hate Boys" is a pretty catchy misandrist tune ;). Sometimes I can get frustrated with men but that's only cause they puzzle me so.


In the famous ballet Swan Lake, a spell has been cast on the character Princess Odette, which transforms her into a swan by day and allows her to keep her true human form at night. I'd be happy to see a live ballet performance of Swan Lake, but so far, my main exposure to the Swan Lake story comes from the animated feature The Swan Princess (1994), something I used to rewatch as a kid.



I'll end this post with a nice and more familiar "bird" reference from Love Actually (2003), a movie I really should own but don't. Throughout this film, Laura Linney's character Sarah has been pining for her ridiculously good-looking co-worker Karl (played by Rodrigo Santoro). When she finally gets a chance to become even more familiar with Karl, the non-diegetic song played in the background of this intimate scene is Eva Cassidy's "Songbird," which implies that Sarah is a song "bird," metaphorically cooing or rather tweeting sweetly for Karl to love her. Speaking of tweeting, I'm probably going to tweet link this blog post on Twitter as soon as I'm done writing it.

Perhaps the most rewatched scene in Love Actually - mainly because of Rodrigo Santoro.

In the words of Sarah, said in a totally different context of course, and in regards to all life's possibilities, I'm "[f]ree as a bird. Fire away."