Grand Gestures

date night in Lady and the Tramp (1955)

In high school, I used to be one of those females who hated it when guys paid for meals. I never wanted to be seen as or act like a gold digger (or as Gloria from Modern Family calls it, "coal digger"), and I still don't. It never seemed right to me for guys to be the default person to pick up the tab. I suppose it's the song and dance of dating in the heterosexual world - like how peacocks show off their pretty feathers to peahen to get their attention (see below)

Then I dated someone who wanted to "take turns" paying for food, which was supposed to be a modern take on relationship spending but turned out to be a guise for the guy to be greedy by picking out the largest, most expensive portions of food whenever it was my turn to pay for things. I was unlucky enough to be smitten and blind as a bat; smoke definitely got in my eyes.

This one experience most likely set me up to appreciate it when/if a nice man goes out of his way to pay for me to be comfortably full and indulge my sweet tooth. We all have bills to pay (unless you're rich, then that's another story) and so it's a doubly nice and grand gesture when someone treats you to a nummy meal. Last week I've been obsessed with Cee Lo Green's "Fuck You" song and this line of lyrics from that song sums up what men who do pay go through: "being in love with you ass ain't cheap." If a man opens the door for me, or pulls out a chair for me to sit in, I would probably be thrown off balance and have to take a long minute to realize what just happened. To be perfectly blunt, I am so used to men without manners and lowering my standards in this regards that I'm flabbergasted to find out that men who open doors or pull out chairs for you do exist when such things do happen. I only wish I could be as poised and charming as Grace Kelly or Audrey Hepburn, but I'm not - I'm actually quite loud (indoor voice, Jess!) and I wouldn't be surprised if strangers catch amusing (and sometimes shocking) sound bites from me.

Grace Kelly in Hitchcock's To Catch a Thief (1955)

January Jones as Grace Kelly-esque Betty Draper in a Vanity Fair Mad Men photo shoot

"Suddenly feel like a screen goddess in manner of Grace Kelly" -Bridget Jones's Diary (2001)

I'm hoping that whoever ends up with me will find my clumsiness and somewhat self-deprecating awkwardness to be endearing - because there's probably no way I can transform myself into Pretty Woman (1990) like Julia Roberts overnight; we can't all be like "Cinder-fuckin'-rella" like in the movies.

(Before) Julia Roberts as Vivian Ward in Pretty Woman (1990) in hooker mode

Etiquette training: "Elbows off the table. Don't slouch."

(After) Voilà! Cinderella going to the opera.

It's not like men with manners are some kind of extinct species (i.e. dinosaurs) or mythical creature (i.e. unicorns, or special horses with horns); it's like finding a four leaf clover when you least expect it. If you're a gentleman who has manners, take a bow please... but don't be so cocky about it ;) - you're not a peacock, sir.


RamblingHutch said...

This made me think of "No one ever got laid by going Dutch." from Love and Other Drugs. I personally believe in splitting the tab, but I laughed out loud when I heard that line.

cookie.monsterette said...

You're advertising for that movie everywhere you go, lady :P. Is it worth the ticket price - or is it something I should Netflix next spring?