Avanti!

Resolutions from Bridget Jones' Diary (2001)

Instead of coming up with New Year's resolutions that I know I won't keep, ensued by a not so surprising sting of disappointment, I decided to compile a list of tidbits of advice/wisdom from people I know, books, and films as well as things I came up with to take with me into the new year.

1. "Never lose your childish innocence. It's the most important thing."

-Katherine in Under the Tuscan Sun (2003)

This isn't to be naive but to keep a sense of childish curiosity and playfulness that is invaluable and could be easily lost with an accumulation of cynicism as we get older.

childish innocence channeled by Chaplin-esque Giulietta Masina as Gelsomina in La Strada (1954)

2. Not happy with something? "Fix that!" -Amanda 

(Co-pilot, remind me to get you a wrench that has "Fix that!" engraved on it one day.)

Disney's Handy Manny who happens to look like my friend George

 

3. "Guys are all bastards. Every guy has a bit of bastard in him." 
-Katy Perry-loving manboy

I take this piece of advice with a grain of salt. It also goes the same for girls. Every girl has the potential to do something bitchy. "Even angels have their wicked schemes."

4. Maybe is a vicious word that can toy with your mind. Just because you hope for a yes rather than a no doesn't mean that the possibly of something not happening won't occur.

Arrested Development Season 1, Episode 12 "Marta Complex"

To minimize disappointment, expect nothing rather than something because gambling on someone else's perhaps, perhaps, perhaps might bring forth even more disillusionment. Easier said than done, I know. Don't believe in false promises and don't reach for false hope because it usually doesn't pay off in the end.

5. Don't make excuses for someone else's behavior. It's not your job to do so and you're certainly not responsible for someone else's lack of consideration or misbehavior.

6. "In every bit of honest writing in the world, there is a base theme. Try to understand men, if you understand each other you will be kind to each other. Knowing a man well never leads to hate and nearly always leads to love. There are shorter means, many of them. There is writing promoting social change, writing punishing injustice, writing in celebration of heroism, but always that base theme. Try to understand each other."

-John Steinbeck in a 1938 journal entry

7. If there's something you'll regret not saying, say it before you can't say it anymore because it's better to be an honest idiot rather than an idiot who stayed silent hoping for a chance at something.

8. "Don't ask for guarantees. And don't look to be saved in any one thing, person, machine, or library. Do your own bit of saving, and if you drown, at least die knowing you were headed for shore."

-Faber to Montag in Fahrenheit 451

Grand Gestures

date night in Lady and the Tramp (1955)

In high school, I used to be one of those females who hated it when guys paid for meals. I never wanted to be seen as or act like a gold digger (or as Gloria from Modern Family calls it, "coal digger"), and I still don't. It never seemed right to me for guys to be the default person to pick up the tab. I suppose it's the song and dance of dating in the heterosexual world - like how peacocks show off their pretty feathers to peahen to get their attention (see below). 

Then I dated someone who wanted to "take turns" paying for food, which was supposed to be a modern take on relationship spending but turned out to be a guise for the guy to be greedy by picking out the largest, most expensive portions of food whenever it was my turn to pay for things. I was unlucky enough to be smitten and blind as a bat; smoke definitely got in my eyes.

This one experience most likely set me up to appreciate it when/if a nice man goes out of his way to pay for me to be comfortably full and indulge my sweet tooth. We all have bills to pay (unless you're rich, then that's another story) and so it's a doubly nice and grand gesture when someone treats you to a nummy meal. Last week I've been obsessed with Cee Lo Green's "Fuck You" song and this line of lyrics from that song sums up what men who do pay go through: "being in love with you ass ain't cheap." If a man opens the door for me, or pulls out a chair for me to sit in, I would probably be thrown off balance and have to take a long minute to realize what just happened. To be perfectly blunt, I am so used to men without manners and lowering my standards in this regards that I'm flabbergasted to find out that men who open doors or pull out chairs for you do exist when such things do happen. I only wish I could be as poised and charming as Grace Kelly or Audrey Hepburn, but I'm not - I'm actually quite loud (indoor voice, Jess!) and I wouldn't be surprised if strangers catch amusing (and sometimes shocking) sound bites from me.

Grace Kelly in Hitchcock's To Catch a Thief (1955)

 

January Jones as Grace Kelly-esque Betty Draper in a Vanity Fair Mad Men photo shoot

"Suddenly feel like a screen goddess in manner of Grace Kelly" -Bridget Jones's Diary (2001)

I'm hoping that whoever ends up with me will find my clumsiness and somewhat self-deprecating awkwardness to be endearing - because there's probably no way I can transform myself into Pretty Woman (1990) like Julia Roberts overnight; we can't all be like "Cinder-fuckin'-rella" like in the movies.

(Before) Julia Roberts as Vivian Ward in Pretty Woman (1990) in hooker mode

Etiquette training: "Elbows off the table. Don't slouch."

(After) Voilà! Cinderella going to the opera.

It's not like men with manners are some kind of extinct species (i.e. dinosaurs) or mythical creature (i.e. unicorns, or special horses with horns); it's like finding a four leaf clover when you least expect it. If you're a gentleman who has manners, take a bow please... but don't be so cocky about it ;) - you're not a peacock, sir.

Chicks, and Birds, and Sirens, Oh My!

Natalie Portman as the Black Swan (2010)

When it comes to animal representations of females, why is it that women are so closely associated with birds? A sexually attractive female is often referred to as a "bird" in British slang (i.e. "That bird is fit!"). Young women are also called "chicks" (as derived from "chicken"). In fact, in Cantonese, the word "chicken" could be used as a slang for "prostitute." A group of loud and possibly gossipy women (or in How I Met Your Mother's case, "woo girls") is sometimes referred to as a group of "cackling hens." For some great examples of cackling hens see/read Clare Boothe Luce's The Women (1936), but please don't watch the 2008 remake with Meg Ryan in it; if you want to watch a remake of The Women (1939), you can watch the musical remake The Opposite Sex (1956).

Before there was The First Wives Club (1996), there was The Women (1939).

In Greek mythology, the Sirens are lethal half-women, half-bird creatures who entice men to their island with their irresistible songs, only to lead men to their demise. To me, these females are a few of the original femmes fatales - way before Rita Hayworth did her "Put the Blame on Mame" striptease and Glenn Close and Michael Douglas were caught in some Fatal Attraction (1987). Sirens are often confused with harpies in Greek mythology who are also winged bird-women. Usually there are 2-3 sister sirens, who are also daughters of the river god Achelous, and the Harpies (Aello, Celaeno, and Ocypete) are sisters of Iris, a messenger to the gods, and daughters of the air nymph Electra. In terms of beauty and temperament, I always got the implication that sirens are fair but deadly maidens while harpies are scary, vicious scavenger-like bird-women, especially after having read Sartre's play Les Mouches (The Flies) which warrants a slight shudder.

John William Waterhouse's Ulysses and the Sirens (1891)

François Perrier's Aeneas and His Companions Fighting Harpies (1646-47)

 I was honestly a tad afraid to Google images of harpies, knowing how grotesque some representations of harpies are. It's interesting how some people imagine harpies as ugly female gargoyles.

Going along with the idea of sirens, I love how my favorite feminist author Margaret Atwood wrote a poem called "Siren Song." She is one witty Canadian :0). My favorite part of her poem is when the siren speaker lures her readers with "Shall I tell you the secret / and if I do, will you get me / out of this bird suit?" as if that siren could feminine masquerade out of being a winged temptress. I would talk about females represented as winged sphinxes but I could easily go on a long tangent on the topic of women represented as felines. Let's not deviate from the main topic... I'll save the discussion on sphinxes for a rainy day. Anyways, on with more females as birds...

In Kate Chopin's The Awakening (1898), the small place that protagonist Edna Pontellier decides to make her own is called a "pigeon house" simply "because it's so small and looks like a pigeon house" (619). Edna even identifies herself as a birdlike creature when she talks about her time spent with Madame Reisz to one of her beaux:

"Well, for instance, when I left her to-day, she put her arms around me and felt my shoulder-blades, to see if my wings were strong, she said, 'The bird that would soar above the level plain of tradition and prejudice must have strong wings. It is a sad spectacle to see the weaklings bruised, exhausted, fluttering back to earth.'" (617)

Other references to females as birdlike creatures include Evelyn de Morgan's painting The Gilded Cage (1919); it serves as an allegory for a trapped female housed in comfortable surroundings, a "gilded cage," in contrast to the fluttering bird she appears to be reaching for outside her window. On a random note, this painting makes me think of young Jenny in Forrest Gump (1994) praying, "Dear God, make me a bird. So I could fly far. Far far away from here." It's a different situation for young Jenny since she's living in an abusive environment, but nevertheless that line from Forrest Gump still captures the same desperate feeling of being trapped that The Gilded Cage conveys.

The Gilded Cage (1919)

As for contemporary literature that alludes to women as birds, Maya Angelou wrote an important African-American and women studies autobiographical sketch called I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings (1969) that I have yet to read. Although she wrote poem with the same title and with the caged bird referred to as a "he," it is an interesting read if you'd like to check that out. Please keep in mind that I am not a Maya Angelou expert and am embarrassed that I still have not read anything by her yet, but I absolutely welcome any Maya Angelou recommendations :0).

 a postcard I bought a long time ago

Truth be told, I should have taken up Women Studies as a second major when I was an undergrad but you know what, that's okay cause having too many shoulda, coulda, woulda thoughts leads to unnecessary discontentment and disappointment :P. I know Women Studies have that whole stigma that females who specialize in that field are all misandrists, but just to set things straight, I don't hate men... although this one Christina Aguilera song called "I Hate Boys" is a pretty catchy misandrist tune ;). Sometimes I can get frustrated with men but that's only cause they puzzle me so.


In the famous ballet Swan Lake, a spell has been cast on the character Princess Odette, which transforms her into a swan by day and allows her to keep her true human form at night. I'd be happy to see a live ballet performance of Swan Lake, but so far, my main exposure to the Swan Lake story comes from the animated feature The Swan Princess (1994), something I used to rewatch as a kid.



I'll end this post with a nice and more familiar "bird" reference from Love Actually (2003), a movie I really should own but don't. Throughout this film, Laura Linney's character Sarah has been pining for her ridiculously good-looking co-worker Karl (played by Rodrigo Santoro). When she finally gets a chance to become even more familiar with Karl, the non-diegetic song played in the background of this intimate scene is Eva Cassidy's "Songbird," which implies that Sarah is a song "bird," metaphorically cooing or rather tweeting sweetly for Karl to love her. Speaking of tweeting, I'm probably going to tweet link this blog post on Twitter as soon as I'm done writing it.

Perhaps the most rewatched scene in Love Actually - mainly because of Rodrigo Santoro.

In the words of Sarah, said in a totally different context of course, and in regards to all life's possibilities, I'm "[f]ree as a bird. Fire away."

La Vie en Technicolor?

The reason why I love watching films like The Red Shoes (1948), All That Heaven Allows (1955), and Heaven Can Wait (1943) is because vibrant, gorgeous colors in Technicolor pictures such as those give me warm fuzzies as I stare at the screen in awe. Sometimes I really wish I had a BluRay player so I can watch those films properly, but then again, part of me is convinced that DVDs and BluRay discs will eventually become obsolete and be replaced by smaller, even more compact data storage devices like USBs. Part of the reason why I love Technicolor is because I love beautiful things and when you see color like that on film, it makes you understand why someone like Todd Haynes would emulate that visual style in Far from Heaven (2002) or why the people who worked on Pushing Daisies (2007-2009) used such exaggerated bright colors; I'm guessing they do it because candy-colored visuals trigger a sense of wonderment in people.

Pushing Daisies

It's a pity that it only lasted for 2 seasons :0/

Since we don't live in a Technicolor world, and of course most of us aren't rich, we find beauty in the simple things in life. For example, as someone who likes collecting quotes, and listing movies watched and books read in notebooks, I try to purchase notebooks that I find visually stimulating or at least decently pretty. Here are 3 out of 4 notebooks I use regularly:

I only ordered something once or twice from Turner Classic Movies and ever since, I've been getting mail from them. This is a mini catalog I got from them recently that I thought had an especially nice holiday cover. The focus is on Jean Harlow because I love her and she happens to be one of my Classic Hollywood female favorites ^-^.

I woke up and found myself with a sore throat this morning and so I've been drinking lots and lots of tea (pictured is Stash's strawberry pomegranate herbal red tea below) in my childhood Snow White cup. The reason why I have this cup instead of the Sleeping Beauty one that my sister has is because my parents used to call me Snow White in Cantonese when I was a little girl. Before puberty reared its ugly head, I had hair as black as ebony and fair, snow white skin (also meaning that I was a pale little kid).

I confess, this post turned out to be an excuse to indulge myself and have fun taking pretty pictures of things around my room, including these pjs, but isn't it so much more pleasant to surround yourself with brightly (hopefully not tacky) colored things, even if they're tiny little things?

Sass and Spice: A Pastiche of "Wants"

In the words of the Spice Girls, "Yo, I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want." I want men to be more direct than they actually are so I know I'm not groping (or dancing) in the dark, only to find my way out (the exit sign glows in the dark). When anyone is tip toe-ing around me, seeming like they want something but not articulating what they want from me, it bothers me. It's like playing body language charades with passive aggressive people; I'm not well-versed in body language (and mind reading)... plus I don't want to guess. It's like working in customer service again: mister/ma'am, I can't help you unless you tell me what's going on. Throw me a bone please... or better yet, please toss me a Krispy Kreme donut; I crave sweet things :D.

Also in the spirit of "wants," Liz Lemon says what I'm not brave enough to say to men:

"I don't want to hurt you. But I'll tell you what I do want. I want someone who will be monogamous and nice to his mother.

Anthony Perkins in Psycho (1960)

well, definitely not him.

And I want someone who likes musicals but knows to just shut his mouth when I'm watching Lost.

Gene Kelly in An American in Paris (1951)

Hot daaaaamn.

And I want someone who thinks being really into cars is lame and strip clubs are gross. I want someone who will actually empty the dishwasher instead of just taking out forks as needed, like I do. I want someone with clean hands and feet and beefy forearms like a damn Disney prince.

Prince Phillip in Sleeping Beauty (1959)

I think he likes what he sees.

And I want him to genuinely like me, even when I'm old.

Source

Ma and Pa Newman, probably in on some inside joke. cute :)

And that's what I want." (30 Rock Season 4, Episode 17 "Lee Marvin vs. Derek Jeter")

There are so many wants, needs, and desires in our lives. Is it possible for people to be content with this excess of wants? Are we setting ourselves up for disappointment, or is it good to be idealistic? I suppose asking what someone wants in life is a loaded question; I'm not entirely sure what I want either, but I do know what I don't want, and so perhaps I can filter out all the unwanted things and find out what are the things I do want in my life. "Want" is such a selfish word, but at least it provides some general direction or guidance for what works for people when it comes for them to make decisions. Wants are always battling the shoulds in our lives; but hey, it's a decision making factor. It's good to know what you want, and it's good to know what makes you happy, even if it's for five minutes.

Kyle Chandler: Love the Way You Coach

In anticipation of Friday Night Lights' final season starting soon, I've decided to pay a short and sweet tribute to Kyle Chandler. It's already great enough that there's some fantastic writing in FNL (best lame teen pick-up line ever: "I feel closer to God when I'm with you"), and then... there's Kyle Chandler, playing Coach Eric Taylor. Don't be fooled by his mesmerizing far-off stares and his puppy-dog eyes; that man will tell you what's what and what position to play in football... and how. As a firm, direct, honest, and wise (too many adjectives, perhaps? haha) coach, he not only wins his team's respect but also our affection/admiration for him as viewers. With a killer combo of being an awesome coach and great family man with endearing eyes and some pretty compelling speeches, how can you lose with Kyle Chandler in FNL? Answer: You can't. Clear eyes, full hearts, can't lose.

Chandler as Eric Taylor, dozing off on his tot's teddy bear.

Do you see a resemblance between the two?

Chandler in some puppet action

an earlier edition of Kyle Chandler in Early Edition

I love a man who reads ;)

borrowed words

Whenever I find interesting quotes that resonate with me, I jot them down into a notebook (that's it up there). It's like a diary - perhaps just as sensational to read, but a whole lot less embarrassing to revisit because it's mostly filled with borrowed words. These are a couple of my favorites this year, many of which have a very feminist undertone (haha). Enjoy!

Peggy Olson - Mad Men Season 3

film / television

"You're smooth. And charming. You turn it on like hot water from the faucet. But I've had measles once. Now I'm immune." -Linda Gilman, June Bride (1948)

"You're like an old coat that's hanging in his closet. Every time he reaches in, there you are. Don't be there once." -Desk Set (1957)

"The odd thing about this form of communication is that you’re more likely to talk about nothing than something. But I just want to say that all this nothing has meant more to me than so many somethings." -Kathleen Kelly, You've Got Mail (1998)

"You have set up a way of life that basically makes it impossible for you to have any kind of human connection. And now this woman comes along and somehow runs the gauntlet of your ridiculous life choice and comes out on the other end smiling just so you can call her 'casual'? I need to grow up? You’re a 12-year-old." -Natalie, Up in the Air (2009)

"I don't wanna make a career out of being there so you can kick me when you fail." -Peggy, Mad Men Season 3, Episode 13 "Shut the Door. Have a Seat."

Richard Burton

people

"He always thought that he had to do something about endangered species, forgetting that he himself was an endangered species the way he drank." -Billy Wilder on William Holden in Billy Wilder Speaks (2006)

side note: William Holden was an alcoholic. He drank too much and died from a blow to the head from a night stand.

"I'm not sure if it's a function of advancing age or just the times we're living in, but it's almost impossible for me to find complete external validation in any one thought, desire, instinct, or vision anymore." -John Mayer

"I feel like a discarded floppy disk." -moi

courtesy of Ms. Amanda

"He wanted the milk without the cow." -Amanda

"One of these days I will wake up - which I think I have done already - and realize to myself that I really do love. I find it very difficult to allow my whole life to rest on the existence of another creature. I find it equally difficult, because of my innate arrogance, to believe in the idea of love. There is no such thing, I say to myself. There is lust, of course, and usage, and jealousy, and desire and spent powers, but no such thing as the idiocy of love. Who invented that concept? I have wracked my shabby brains and can find no answer." -Richard Burton in a letter to Elizabeth Taylor

"All, everything that I understand, I understand only because I love. Everything is, everything exists, only because I love." -Leo Tolstoy

"Absence makes the heart grow fonder/yonder." -Amanda

 books / plays

"He is collecting pleasures and pains, gathered from his relationships with ballerinas and librarians, decent females without the right pheromones, and nut-balls. He is like a child learning what is too hot to touch, and he hopes all this experience will coalesce into a philosophy of life, or at least a philosophy of relationships, that will transform itself into instinct." -Shopgirl

"[Y]ou neither think nor talk like the man I could bind myself to. As soon as your fear was over - and it was not fear for what threatened me but for what might happen to you - when the whole thing was past, as far as you were concerned it was exactly as if nothing at all had happened. Exactly as before, I was your little skylark, your doll, which you would in the future treat with doubly gentle care because it was so brittle and fragile." -Nora, A Doll's House

"I got to know you. You cured me of you." -Emma, One Day

Technology and the Single Girl

As we progress towards new technology, newer, hipper modes of communication are becoming increasingly impersonal. Face-to-face interaction would be ideal when you're trying to get to know someone; however, busy schedules or even physical distance become viable, prime barriers for a lack of personal interaction. When minimal face-to-face interaction occurs, what happens? My friend Amanda has suggested that "absence makes the heart grow fonder/yonder." But which is it? I've felt fonder and yonder with different men on various occasions before, but what tips the scale over from yonder to fonder or vice versa? Does someone feel fonder of someone else because that person is not readily available? Is it the idea of a chase that creates this (illusion of) fondness?

Before texting and the Internet, people resorted to telegrams, letters, and the telephone. If you look at mail correspondence, this is still considered as impersonal communication because there is a barrier preventing you from having direct, personal correspondence. A letter would have to go through a middle man, the post office, before arriving at its final destination. Certainty for a single girl, this whole waiting for a letter to endure a long physical journey to get to you is completely romantic and sentimental. The idea of a letter from a guy you adore makes you smile because as sappy as this may sound, he once held the letter you are holding, and plus he handwrote, or more like scrawled, the letter you are reading. You can't help but feel special - because this letter is for you and no one else.

Klara (Margaret Sullavan) reading a letter in The Shop Around the Corner (1940)

If a single girl regularly receives some kind of correspondence, such as letters, from her object of affection and suddenly that correspondence ceases, she can feel unwanted, abandoned, unnerved, or worse - inadequate. (Ladies, we don't need validation from men to be/feel amazing.)

Inbox empty. Better luck another day, Klara. Poor lady... don't cry, Shopgirl.

No one likes this kind of needy behavior of waiting for that other person to respond back, but many of us are guilty of waiting for an e-mail back or even a telephone call back (myself included) because our singleton heart craves attention and affection. It's nice to be wanted and/or needed. I'm a little old fashioned but men who are able to write beautiful letters, or at least attempt to handwrite a personal letter to their object of affection, are a dying breed. I wish this wasn't the case, but it is. Nowadays, men can steathily or awkwardly dodge unwanted females by plainly ignoring those girls' e-mails, ims, and texts with the reasoning that one isn't obligated to reply back immediately or ever to electronic/digital messages.

When it comes to the telephone, especially before cell phones came along, one often pictures a single girl waiting at home next to the telephone. It is such a depressing image. Imagine the time wasted on waiting for a jerk who said he'll call but he won't. Why do we have such a passive image of single females waiting? There is a double standard that women aren't supposed to make the first move when it comes to dating men. Honestly, I initiate things anyways. I know it comes off as "unlady-like" but you know what - sometimes men don't have the nerve to make the first move. Women should give men a little push, and if that little push doesn't work, you move along to another guy. It's all trial and error. I refuse to wait for one guy too long; I'm not getting any younger, and it's not like that guy is going to grow another pair of balls anytime soon (plus, that would be really disgusting).

The good thing about talking on the phone is that even though you can't see the person you're talking, you can hear the tone of that person's voice and so there's a smaller chance of misinterpreting what that person is saying. Flirting via the telephone is always fun. It's a great way to be coy and indulge your object of affection and yourself with some witty repartee (which I love). I'm sure phone sex occurred way before that term was actually coined as well.

split screen telephoning between Doris Day and Rock Hudson in Pillow Talk (1959)

some telephone action in Pillow Talk remake Down With Love (2003)

I really doubt that any guy would do push-ups with a phone on his shoulders, but whatev - it's the movies.

Then along came the Internet - with instantaneous e-mails and instant messages. Instead of face-to-face interaction, it's you and the screen with text sent over not so long ago. Since it's an impersonal form of communication, many people feel like they can get away with typing certain things over the Internet that they normally wouldn't be able to have the nerve to say in person. No one likes confrontation and so the Internet removes that fear behind possibly saying something confrontational or inappropriate. Guys can easily flirt with single gals with a keyboard and a mouse, without witnessing those girls' possible looks of disgust. Getting rejected online reminds me of what George said in You've Got Mail (1998): "Well, as far as I'm concerned, the Internet is just another way of being rejected by women."

 

Inappropriate e-mail messages from Daniel Cleaver in Bridget Jones's Diary (2001):

 

Although communicating over the Internet is impersonal, there is that advantage of being able to freely react to messages uncensored in the privacy of your own personal space.

As far as instantaneous communication goes, sometimes technology encourages people to become rude, insensitive human beings, by doing something as brutal and impersonal as breaking up with someone over a text:

 from Up in the Air (2009)

Notice that the date sent was two days before Valentine's Day.

I realize that I kept on harping on the impersonal side of technology, but technology is a double-edged sword: the great thing about it is that you can receive instantaneous messages from anyone all over the world; however, there's that person-to-person interaction that is completely priceless that you can't experience by receiving e-mails, ims, and texts.

I'll leave you with the following quote:

"The odd thing about this form of communication is that you’re more likely to talk about nothing than something. But I just want to say that all this nothing has meant more to me than so many somethings." - Kathleen Kelly, You’ve Got Mail (1998)

It was a quote I kept on thinking about maybe a year ago. It's something I will never say to this one person I know, but that person kind of brought me back to life with a whole lot of nothings online when I was going through a very dark time. It was an unintentional doing on that person's part, but I am still grateful for all those nothings that meant something to me.

Yours, Mine, and Not Ours

Is it wrong to get freaked out by the words "we" and "us" when used by someone you're seeing or dating? To avoid confusion or any guessing games, this hasn't happened to me recently, but it has happened to me before. In high school, while waiting for a ride back home, I mentioned to an old boyfriend that he would have cute kids if he ever had any, and he agreed with a "yea, our kids would be cute." Our kids. Our kids?? OUR KIDS?! First of all, I don't understand why my high school self would even suggest, let alone talk about someone spawning mini versions of themselves; I blame teenage hormones. Secondly, did the word "our" scare you, too? Because it sure did for me, even as a high school sophomore. I think I covered up my horror with a half-hearted smile, which he probably assumed was a mutual approval for the possibility of "us" breeding mini "us"es.

Regina Spektor's "Us" 

I remember dating a guy who would often start sentences with "we" as in "We should go to the..." or "We need to..." You should probably know that that he did this within the first two weeks of meeting me. When did you and I become a "we," when did we become a couple, a unit, Siamese twins joined at the hip? Also, why was I not informed about this? I didn't get the latest "we" newsletter that announced our "we"hood. That's another problem I've had with men before. Some of them don't think it's important enough to consult me before announcing our couplehood to other people (way to jump the gun, boys!). If there's an "us," then maybe communication is in order about this new commitment called "us." It's like this one song my friends in middle school used to listen to all the time called U + Me = Us by 2gether. Sure, grammatically you and I would have to equate to "we" or "us" but notice that there's that conjunction + (plus or and). The conjunction there signifies some kind of mutual agreement or acknowledgment that a certain couplehood exists and commitment most likely fits somewhere in that equation as well. I apologize if I sound completely adverse to the idea of relationships because I really am not. It's funny because men often complain about how confusing or complicated women are, but it's the same thing the other way around; as a woman who's had experience with men, I still find myself wanting a translator for what men say or do. It would be wonderful to find a guy who has the balls to be direct and not torture me by saying something like, "I like you. Let's go steady."

Luff or Lurve

Jack Lemmon in Luv (1967)

 

"Love is a four letter word." And it's one of those enigmatic bombs in life that continues to confuse me and play with my mind. In Annie Hall (1977), Alvy tells Annie, "Love is, is too weak a word for what I feel - I lurve you, you know, I loave you, I luff you, two F's, yes I have to invent, of course I - I do, don't you think I do?” A play I read a while back on a plane ride from New York called Play with Tiger (1962) mocked the idea of love when Dave told Anna, “It’s lurve, it’s lurve, it’s lurve.” Even the Bible has a whole entire section on the concept of love:

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. (1 Corinthians 13:4-7 NIV)

My question in regards to this biblical definition of love is: are any of us really that pure when we do love nowadays? I know I’m anything but perfect (I’m probably this instead) and will never embody the kind of sheer purity that’s described in the Bible’s love passage. As of now, to me, love is acceptance and loyalty, knowing a person’s flaws and trying to be understanding. There is a major difference between platonic love and romantic love (a.k.a. being “in love”), but I’m only going to be focusing on the latter. Have you noticed that the English idiom/phrase “fall in love” starts with the word “fall”? To me, this phrase conveys that falling in love deals with letting your guard down and suddenly becoming emotionally vulnerable to the person you’re falling in love with; maybe that’s why people are “weak in the knees” when they fall in love.

Movies and songs project different types of romantic love, some of which are a bit too farfetched for my taste. For example, one of the most ridiculous movies on “love” that I have ever seen is Love Story (1970), which turned out to be a commercial success when it was released. Its most famous line, also its tagline, is “Love means never having to say you're sorry”; that is probably one of the most b.s. lines I have ever heard on love.  In the beginning when you first meet someone and you realize it’s (romantic) love, it might be a magical walk on Cloud 9, but for the most part, it demands for both parties to work at making their relationship survive. If people change as time goes by, their relationships also change as well and so it does take work for someone’s romantic love to last. Contrary to Love Story’s concept of love, I think that love is dependent on having great communication between the two people who are in love, so the idea of not conveying you’re sorry to the person you love is a completely idiotic idea. If you can’t manage to say sorry to the person you love, then that’s one big reason (out of possibly many reasons) for you to not deserve the person you love. Love isn’t always raining puppies and roses; like for many things in life, sometimes bad things have to happen for good things to come. What comes up must come down.

I feel like the word “love” have been overused so much that sometimes people or probably the media have sucked the meaning out of it. Instead of a nice juicy grape, love is some dried up raisin. I often wondered if love was like milk – it has an expiration date and at one point or another it will turn sour. Perhaps I’m way too young to be cynical about the concept of love. I’m know my opinion on “love” will continue to change, but I’m half hoping that love turns out to be something like wine – it’s something that gets better with old age.

I can only hope that if I ever get married, I’ll be as happy as Ma and Pa Newman here:

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I’ll leave you with this quote that I encountered when I watched The Last Station (2009), a movie that I’m not exactly enamoured with (but I do think this quote is fantastic):

“Love is life. All, everything that I understand, I understand only because I love. Everything is, everything exists, only because I love. Everything is united by it alone. Love is God, and to die means that I, a particle of love, shall return to the general and eternal source.” 

–Leo Tolstoy

Animals Crackers and Terms of Endearment

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Where do people come up with pet names for each other? I often wondered why there were animal pet names between me and some of the men I've dated before. Instead of "sweetie" or "baby," I get "piggie" (named for my ferocious appetite), "little bear" (because I was petite compared to the man I dated), or something furry and cuddly of that sort. So far none of the animal pet names I've been called have overlapped (thank goodness). I have not dated enough men to say that I've been called every single animal species on Noah's Ark. Don't get me wrong; I'm not complaining here... I think it's adorable, amazing even, that grown men are comfortable enough with me to refer to me as some cute pet. It's flattering, but at the same time it makes me wonder whether these men consider me as an actual woman instead of an adorable human pet. Not like I'll ever be as poised and gorgeous as Audrey Hepburn, but it's a similar feeling to how Audrey struggled with being seen as an adorable, classy creature that she found it hard to convince others that she actually had sex appeal. It's so easy to be typecast because of your body type or outer appearance. I'm a tiny Asian woman with bangs - so of course, off the bat, I'd be typecast as some cute little Asian. In fact, when I didn't have bangs two years back, French men in Cannes still assumed I was Japanese (I can hear their voices hollering "konichiwa" now). I suppose my lingering question throughout this week is, what compels men to suddenly call you by an animal pet name? Is it merely flirtation with some reference to the zoo or a pet store? It's like some men can't afford pets and so you're it, you're their pet... for now.